06 July 2007

You suck, truck!

Oh lord.... I took my truck in to get the starter fixed -- it's been grinding for about six weeks, and this is the first time I've had any time to deal with it -- and of course it needs a new starter AND a new flywheel AND a new clutch kit AND AND AND.... $2300 of ANDS, which is only the most immediate of work -- it also needs new tires and an alignment job etc etc. When the mechanic called me, I had to ask him if I could call him back, just so I could hang up and burst into tears for a while. I called my mother in Portland to brainstorm with her about how to scrape up $2300 by Tuesday... the old shell game... I told her I have $700 in a special savings account I've been keeping for her, which isn't much, but I've been setting aside $50 here and there, usually on her birthday and mother's day, for years, hoping one day to get her to Ireland, or at least off the continent -- she's only ever been as far away as Canada and Mexico.... When I told her that I had $700 in a secret vacation account for her, she got really quiet for a minute. When she spoke, her voice was thick. "You've saved all that...for me?" "Yes," I said (somewhat impatiently -- I told her about the account when I opened it a few years ago), "and I don't want to touch that money." "No," she said, "go ahead and use that to fix your truck. It's a nice enough present knowing that you saved it all for me." And then I started crying again, frustrated at the idea of wasting the meager vacation savings just to fix my stupid truck, and she said, "Don't cry, or I'll start crying, and then Megan will bitch-slap me again," which made me laugh a little, but I hung up and called the mechanic back and told him to go through with the work, resigning myself to maxing out my credit card, using my August rent money, cashing in my retirement fund, whatever I have to do, but goddammit, I am not going to trade a 1999 Chevy pickup for the hope of showing my mother the world.

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