06 November 2008

Dogs, 2; Chickens, 1. Oh, and Gays? ZERO

So, Tuesday was amazing. Being in Chicago was absolutely incredible. It was like everyone was having their birthday on the same day. But not just any birthday: the BEST birthday. That one birthday you looked forward to your whole LIFE, the one where you finally got a PONY.


Happy Birthday, America!


And not only was Obama totally eloquent and poetic as always, but then he went and promised his daughters a PUPPY? In his acceptance speech?!? Best president ever! The only thing better would be if he promised EVERYONE a puppy! Hey Obama, we ALL worked hard to get you elected! We stood in lines for hours! We TOTALLY deserve a puppy!! That would be great, too, because then we wouldn't have to move. We'd be like, Sorry Landlady! I know our lease says No Dogs, but this is from the PRESIDENT. President Obama! It's our fundamental right to have a puppy!

Ahhh.... a girl can dream, right?

Speaking of fundamental rights, though, I have to say that the happiness of the election has been tempered by the total shittiness of Prop 8. The title of this blog is Bittersweet, but it's rarely so apropos. For the last two days, I've have this tight feeling in my throat like in middle school when your friends all suddenly decided they didn't like you anymore and wouldn't let you sit with them, but wouldn't tell you why. Years ago, when I used to teach "bully proofing" in middle and high schools, my students nearly always agreed that the kind of psychological exclusion bullying was the worst by far. Today I'm reminded of it, and though I'm so, so pleased by the presidential election, and so happy about President Obama, my happiness is being choked out by this feeling of sitting by myself at lunch, wondering what I did wrong.

It's hard to join the overwhelming national celebration of falling racial barriers when, at the very same time, laws are being passed to discriminate against a large group of Americans. I mean, how could the people of California seriously stand in the voting booth and think, "I am totally voting for Barack Obama! It's about time we had a minority in the White House! Hell yes! This generation is so much more enlightened and tolerant and awesome than any other generation in American history! Oh, and while I'm here... I think 18,000 marriages between loving, consenting adults should totally be annulled! What, they want equal rights? Who do they think they are? This is America!"

Ugh.

Meanwhile, those very same voters overwhelmingly passed Prop 2, granting rights to chickens to stand up and stretch their wings while waiting to be fricasseed.

And then, in a kick-me type comedy of bad timing, the Chicago suburb Oak Park is hosting a Mass Wedding Ceremony this weekend, just to rub it in. Great, Oak Park, thanks for reminding thousands of Chicagoans that they can no longer head out to sunny CA to get married.

Oh, and did I mention that this Mass Wedding is for DOGS?




It's a Mass Dog Wedding. Because they can get married. Just not gay people.

So here's the thing. Personally, I have no problem with the event -- it's a fundraiser for a local shelter, and you know, whatever it takes to raise money for pooches. But. I'm thinking that the Mass Dog Wedding in Oak Park will certainly be mobbed by protesters, right? Because the reason states keep passing straight marriage only laws is to "protect the sanctity of marriage." Because the sanctity of Brit's various marriages, and Madonna's inevitable third marriage, and the sacred unions of the hundreds of people who get married at Graceland Wedding Chapel each year is so sanct that it needs constant protection from evil gays who also want to have three different hubands and get married by Elvis!

But seriously, California and everyone who voted for Prop 8: surely, the mass dog wedding makes FAR more of a mockery of your sacred institution than the weddings of committed, consensual, adult human beings who actually love each other?? Right? I mean, you have to protect marriage from all threats, not just the threat of a wedding with two brides and no grooms. So get your asses out here and protest this shit, because otherwise I'm going to start suspecting that you don't care that much about marriage after all, and you ACTUALLY JUST HATE GAY PEOPLE.

Boo to California, Florida, and Arizona for ruining what should have been an amazing, perfect week for me. And props to the Obamas for thinking about getting your puppy from a rescue organization instead of a breeder or puppy mill. I'll take a rescued puppy too, please. If you're in town, we could even get them dog-married.

8 comments:

MLE said...

I voted against prop 8, and was sad to see it pass. I also voted against prop 2 because I don't really care about chickens as much as I care about people.

I have heard that they are still counting the provisional ballots in California, so there's still hope for the failure of prop 8. We'll have to wait and see.

quartergoddess said...

Ooh! Does that mean that you were there to hear his speech?
If so, I'm jealous!
Also, ditto on prop 8.
It annoys me... and makes me sad.
I don't really get why people get so persnickety about gay marriage. If you don't want one, don't get one.
Nosy mormons.
:)

John Huston said...

Ha! We were on to the same thing: http://blogs.pioneerlocal.com/thenewspeg/2008/11/dogs_before_gays.html
Nicely done.

Natalie said...

I think it's funny that the same people who are against animal rights, are the same people that are making dogs get married instead of homo"terrorist"sexuals.

And by funny, I mean outrageous.

Mark Bourne said...

I heart molly. Maybe we should get married because nothing respects the sanctity of marriage like a gay dude and someone in a lesbian relationship saying I do.
At LEAST there's a man and a woman involved.
While we're on the subject
Can Imarry a dog?

Phil said...

My landlord's wife and I got into it about five days before the election. I'd spent the week working and interpreting various No on Prop 8 events, and she looked at me and said: "It's not discrimination. Let them have their civil unions or whatever, just not marriage, because what they have is not marriage." Mind, she's known since I met her last December that I'm gay. Apparently, even those who seem accepting aren't always so. It's a bummer.

Anonymous said...

agree with you on prop 8
please watch this, it is awesome!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4xfMisqab8

also, i am a volunteer at the shelter which received donations from the dog wedding event (the animal care league). it was planned at the beginning of the year, and was a great way to involve more of the community. in the past, there had been art auctions, which do raise funds, but do not really bring people together to support the shelters cause, and they were pricey. this event let people donate 5 bucks, laugh, have fun, meet new friends, and try to set a record. no record was set, but my boy dog did marry another boy dog. take that prop 8 yes voters...

Bethany said...

I offer up my house as a vacation locale if you ever want to come to Massachusetts. I live in the South End which is decidedly friendly to the gay community that lives here.

Although I suppose not all the time, I did read an article talking about a transgender female charged with assault with a deadly weapon when she attacked her neighbor with a 4" heel after claims of prostitution. So that wasn't too friendly.

Actually all of the Boston area is pretty open and inviting. The school I've been substituting for hosted a Gay Pride Assembly and invited the community in. The Rainbow Kids (children of GLTG couples) started a Samba line to We Are Family. Oh so different than life in New Mexico, but good.

Anyway, California doesn't represent all of the U.S., and neither does Massachusetts, but both states do exist, which is something anyway.