Q. How do you respond to the controversy surrounding the language and content of your book?
A. I think it's all a bunch of fucking bullshit.
-- John Green, author of Looking for Alaska
This is probably funnier in context. It made me laugh out loud. Why aren't we all friends with John Green?
September, 2007. My new goal in life is to be friends with John Green. And Sarah Dessen. But especially John Green. I feel that this is a totally reasonable goal.
Step 1: Publish novel.
Step 2: Grow fanbase of YA readers.
Step 3: Attend ALA conference where John Green is speaking.
Step 4a: Speak on panel with John Green.
Step 4b: Randomly meet John Green in hallway.
Step 4c: Sign copy of my book for John Green because he's such a huge fan.
Step 5: Go out drinking with John Green.
Step 6: Trade witticisms. Make John Green laugh.
Step 7: BFFs.
I believe that this plan is absolutely manageable.
10/01/07. In an unforseen twist of fate, I meet John Green in Schaumburg, thus skipping the first three steps of The Plan. Even more amazing, I am able to overcome my intense shyness and incredible social awkwardness to talk to John and inform him of The Plan.
(After the reading, John Green is signing books.)
Me: I drove straight here from work, so I don't have a book to sign, but I did want to meet you.
John: No problem! I'm glad you could make it out tonight!
Me: I actually made it a goal of mine to meet you. I had a seven step plan, but I guess I'm jumping over the first three steps.
John: Did it involve flying to Indiana?
Me: Hell no. Um… no offense.
John: What were the first three steps?
Me: Okay… well, step one was publish a young adult novel. In progress.
Librarian: Oh, that's exciting!
Me: Er… yes. Step two, develop a wide base of young adult fans…
John: Right, and then speak at conferences together!
John: That's a great plan!
Me: Thanks! Steps five and six involve getting drunk together and exchanging witticisms.
John: (nodding) Two of my favorite pastimes.
Librarian: You should tell us when your book comes out & you can do a reading here!
Me: Um… we'll see. I had to face one of my greatest fears to get here tonight.
Librarian: What's that?
Me: Getting lost in the suburbs. It's my own personal hell.
John: (laughing) Thanks for facing the fear. Great to meet you.
Thus begins a life-long friendship.