Sad news on the home front:
Weekly World News Killed By Aliens
I used to buy this fine example of American journalism several times a month, and read it aloud at our weekly impromptu potlucks. In memoriam, some favorites through the years:
-- the dude who hit a golf ball so hard it HIT AN AIRPLANE OUT OF THE SKY!!
-- the time all the Chinese people were going to JUMP AT THE SAME TIME AND SPIN THE EARTH OUT OF ORBIT!
-- ALCOHOLIC CHIMP shares SECRETS OF LONG LIFE!!
-- ALIEN BABY SURVIVES UFO CRASH!!
and of course, the perennial favorite:
-- SADDAM & OSAMA IN LOVE!
My favorite Weekly World News article of all time, though, was a Christmas article with suggestions of possible Christmas gifts for the upcoming holiday. These included a "Scare Bear," which was basically a giant bear statue you kept in your room. The blurb showed a picture of an old fashioned criminal (striped shirt, funny hat and all) halfway through a couple's open bedroom window, looking up at the bear statue in abject horror, while the couple slept peacefully in their bed. The criminal clearly thinking, "OH MY GOD, I CAN'T ROB THIS HOUSE, THERE'S A BEAR!!"
Another great gift was called "Kid Hooks," which seemed to be hooks strong enough to hold children on, the idea being, apparently, that when the kids were being naughty or annoying or in the way or just plain old alive, you can hang them up on these hooks and they can't get down until you let them. The picture showed these two kids hanging from hooks by the collars of their shirts, and the expressions on their faces wasn't mad or sad, just resigned. You'd think that a kid hung on a wall by his collar would be pretty pissed off, but these kids' faces just said, "Well, here we are on the wall again. That's life."
God bless you, Weekly World News.