S: I hate that door! It closes!
Me: (sympathetically) Yes, doors do that, don't they.
S: No, Ms. Backes! I mean, it closes LOUDLY!
Lindy: I saw you smile!
Lindy: I never see you smile!
Lindy: Nope, never!
Me: That's not good....
Lindy: I told all my friends that I saw you smile, and they couldn't believe it!
E: Ms. Backes, you can sit on my desk, but just don't fart on my novel.
Me: I won't. Teachers don't fart.
K: Ms. Backes, don't worry, I'm not looking at your boobs, I'm just trying to read your pin!
Me: Aaah! I don't have boobs! I'm a teacher!
Me: (skimming a kid's novel) Wow, Taylor, that's really good!
Me: Yeah! I love this sentence....
Taylor: I guess I should change the title then.
Me: (flipping to the front cover and reading:) THE NEXT WORST AMERICAN NOVEL. Ha! What's the first?
Taylor: Bill Clinton's book My Life
Me: And yours is second?
Taylor: That was the plan.
Me: I don't know, Taylor, there are a lot of really wretched novels out there. Like those Goosebumps books....
Taylor: Those are horrible!
Taylor: Well, crap. Now I have to think of a new title.
Me: The 257th Worst American Novel...?
Principal: ...and then there was that ONE student who....blah blah blah....
Shop Teacher: ... oh yeah, did you ever have that Ortiz kid? What a nightmare!
Me: (staring intently at the marquee over the front door)
Principal: ...never was so happy as the day that kid got arrested on his 18th birthday, ha ha!
Shop Teacher: Molly, you're awfully quiet....
Me: I'm just wondering if that sign is correct. Over the October calendar? Isn't it missing a word?
Principal: (reading) October is National Breast Awareness Month.
Me: Because I'm thinking, in middle school, EVERY month is breast awareness month.
Principal: Ha ha ha!!
My principal may be a Good Old Boy, but he does enjoy a good boob joke.