The First Days of School

August 14, 2005

My school missed making AYP by .51% POINT-FIVE-ONE Just over half a percentage point!!! And yet, all the local papers are screaming that "11 Local Schools Get Fs" If you miss something by POINT-FIVE-ONE, shouldn't that be a D minus? I mean, seriously. We were SO CLOSE! So it's 2nd year school improvement for us! Yippeester.

The one subset we missed was ELL kids writing about math. Our English Language Learners (only 1/3 of whom actually got any services from the school; the other 2/3 had parent refusal on services) can't write about the process they use in solving a math problem, and our school gets an F for the year. SO FRUSTRATING!

What I mean to say is: isn't every job in the universe easier than teaching middle school?


August 15, 2005

Today's inservice would have been far more entertaining if presented by zombies. "Align your curriculum to state standards or we'll EAT YOUR BRAAAAAAINS!"

August 17, 2005

First Day of School, Scavenger Hunt with 25 Enriched LA kids
-- Ms. B, whenever I fight my brother, I use my head! I use my KNOWLEDGE to confuse him!
-- Oh...
-- And then I hit him!

-- We're going to the teacher's lounge?
-- Awesome! We get to see where the teachers shave off their human skins!


First Day of School, 7:35 AM
(cute little 7th grader walks into my room)
Me: Who are you and why are you in here?
Him: Uh.....
Me: I mean... you shouldn't be in the building yet; you should be outside near the cafeteria.

Things to Work On Before School Starts in 20 minutes:
-- Don't joke about doing drugs, even though crack cocaine is always funny
-- Don't swear or make lewd comments around the children, especially if that jehovah's witness from summer school shows up
-- Pretend -- at least for the first day -- not to be such a bitch

August 18, 2005

Doug says, "The first day of school is the day to be The Biggest Bitch On The Planet. Especially with middle schoolers. They've got to fear you before they can love you. You can always go backwards with discipline, but it's damn-near impossible to go forwards."

Fear not, Doug. Today was the first day for the 8th graders (who already know me) and I was THE BIGGEST BITCH in room 8.... not on the planet. Not even in the school, probably. BUT. I assigned 500 word essays to every 7th grader and 750 word essays to every 8th grader, and the most common response I got from the 8th graders was, "UH! You used to be cool!" or "Remember last year, when you were NICE?"

Score.

I told them that this was the easiest assignment I'd give them all year. Now I have to make good on that promise. :-)

Also, I think the "Never Smile Before Christmas" rule should be recast officially as the "Biggest Bitch in the World" (BBW) rule. Awesome.


August 24, 2005

Steve: Death and destruction is always fun to write about.
Me: So write about it.
Steve: I can't, I'm writing about peanut butter.
Me: Surely you can write about both.
Steve: Good idea! Peanut butter and death -- Death in a Jar!

August 25, 2005

Steve: Jax is Gandhi reincarnated!
Jax: No I'm not, would Gandhi do this? (leans forward and punches Steve on the arm)
Steve: OW! Dammit, Gandhi!

August 26, 2005

Brenna: Ms. B, I want to be *JUST* like you when I grow up!
Me: Awww, that's nice.
Brenna: Yeah, I'm NEVER getting married, just like you!