"We could call her... BONECRUNCHER!"

I chews my bones and I crunches my kitties.

*

Further proof that developing an internal editor is KEY:

Me: What details did the author give us about her cats?
Class: Age, where she got them, their names.
Me: Do you feel she sufficiently supported her topic?
Class: Yes!
Me: You wouldn't want any more details?
Class: No! She did a good job! I love kitties!
Me: Okay. Let me tell you a story.
Class: Yay!
Me: I don't have a cat, but I used to. He was a big, black, shaggy cat, and he adopted me. I didn't even want a cat, but suddenly this cat starts following me around everywhere. I go to the library; the cat sits outside waiting for me. I go to a party; the cat waits on the porch.
Class: What was his name?
Me: Griffin.
Class: How'd you pick that name?
Me: One day I was reading in the living room, and the cat was in the window staring at me. I looked up, and the words "My name is Griffin" appeared in my head..... wait, you can't say that. Um, he named himself. NO. Um...... he told me.....
Me: Um, I don't know.
Class: Okay.
Me: Anyhow, Griffin was kind of spooky. He wasn't allowed inside the house, but would sit on this table on the porch and stare at me through the window.
[I mime being watched, slowly widening my eyes and glancing behind me nervously. Class laughs.]
Me: Also, there was something about Griffin -- he was, like, MORE than a normal cat.
Class: How?
Me: Like the time I was so stoned, and Nadia held up her hands and said, "Give me five," and I totally thought the cat would do it. Wait..... Okay, like when I was drunk, and would come home from the pub and sit on the porch and talk to the cat.... shit, not that either.........
Me: Um, I can't really explain it. Anyhow, after a while, Griffin decided he didn't want me to be his human anymore, and he left. And that's the story of Griffin. Do you see how my story is different from this other story?

Class: Yes! You gave lots of good details.

Me: You have no idea.....

*

Gas was at $2.95 at the Chevron on the hill last night, $2.99 as I drove home from work today.

I can't be optimistic about this. Whether or not high gas prices will ultimately help to reduce the demand, thus dropping the prices, or will encourage the world to seek alternate forms of energy, thus reducing the need for oil, the real problem is that the high gas prices are fueling the hatred and jingoism among our fellow countrymen.

Exhibit A: A teacher at my school, yesterday in the teacher's lounge.

"What we really need to do is turn Iraq into a parking lot and take all their oil. They shouldn't have a choice any more. We're in there, saving their butts, and they're gonna charge us $50 a barrel? That's bullshit!"

It breaks my heart.

*

Dan: So I was reading your new blog....

Me: Is it too pink?

Dan: No, it looks good.

Me: Okay, thanks.

Dan: But here's the thing. You know the story about the boy and the dog?

Me: Yes?

Dan: Well, I just finished reading Neil Gaiman's Good Omens, which is about the antichrist who's given to a normal family at birth, and is growing up as a normal kid in a normal family....

Me: (suspiciously) ...and?

Dan: And when the antichrist kid is about eleven or twelve, this dog shows up, like a demon dog, and the kid names it Dog.

Me: .....

Dan: So I just wanted to let you know that you might have the antichrist in your homeroom. Me: You know... that would actually explain a lot.....

UPDATE: this morning, Potential Antichrist Kid (PAK) said (and I quote), "Can I write about a satanic dog?"

Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh!

...and speaking of hellhounds...