The Book of Muppet, Chapter IV, Verse III

No posts for a while because my laptop committed suicide on Monday. Now I'm writing in a little blue notebook, feeling like I'm back in high school. The other day, my 13-year-old aspiring writer Davey and I were talking novels (as long as I've known him, he's been writing a novel about a dragon named Vortex) and he was giving me advice on writing.

So it has come to this: I'm writing a novel in a blue spiral notebook and getting advice from a geeky 13 year old boy.

HOW CAN I TAKE MYSELF SERIOUSLY AS A WRITER???








My new laptop.

Sunday at the Circle K (ee-ay-yay)

Three things:

1. Yesterday I paid FORTY TWO DOLLARS for gas and my tank wasn't even EMPTY. I had more than 1/8th in the tank. I'm thinking it would have been $50 if my tank had been totally empty. My new strategy is to keep a Wisconsin Winter tank (ie never let it get below 3/4) because the gas prices are going up EVERY SINGLE DAY. Also also, it's time for Molly to get a 2nd job to pay for gas to get to her first job. Sad. Although....

1 1/2. I have this theory that if gas gets too much more expensive (rumors put it at $4 by September 15), we'll have to go to a 4 day school week, because ours is SUCH a rural district and it must be hundreds of dollars to fill up those school busses and I highly doubt the district has budgeted for doubled gas prices. OR school will just be cancelled because if the rumor that you won't be able to get diesel in the southwest is true, our busses won't even be able to run. Too bad they don't run on LOVE. Or, like, tumbleweeds.

2. The law office finally got smart enough to put locks on their wireless, which means I don't have internet in my house anymore. Sad. And I'm not going to get it anytime soon, not as long as I'm paying something like $8 a day just to get to and from work.

3. Yesterday I wrote 15 pages and they're good and I'm past the half-way point in this manuscript and I am proud of myself.



post-script: one of the reasons I moved & broke down my website (yes, I intentionally broke all the links on my homepage) was that I suddenly felt too exposed and that was freaking me out. This blog will be as anonymous as I can make it.... and I seem to be having some issues with this plan. All student and colleague names are changed, but I keep accidentally posting my own name. Keep me on my toes, folks. If you notice that I'm name-dropping, let me know. Thanks!

"We could call her... BONECRUNCHER!"

I chews my bones and I crunches my kitties.

*

Further proof that developing an internal editor is KEY:

Me: What details did the author give us about her cats?
Class: Age, where she got them, their names.
Me: Do you feel she sufficiently supported her topic?
Class: Yes!
Me: You wouldn't want any more details?
Class: No! She did a good job! I love kitties!
Me: Okay. Let me tell you a story.
Class: Yay!
Me: I don't have a cat, but I used to. He was a big, black, shaggy cat, and he adopted me. I didn't even want a cat, but suddenly this cat starts following me around everywhere. I go to the library; the cat sits outside waiting for me. I go to a party; the cat waits on the porch.
Class: What was his name?
Me: Griffin.
Class: How'd you pick that name?
Me: One day I was reading in the living room, and the cat was in the window staring at me. I looked up, and the words "My name is Griffin" appeared in my head..... wait, you can't say that. Um, he named himself. NO. Um...... he told me.....
Me: Um, I don't know.
Class: Okay.
Me: Anyhow, Griffin was kind of spooky. He wasn't allowed inside the house, but would sit on this table on the porch and stare at me through the window.
[I mime being watched, slowly widening my eyes and glancing behind me nervously. Class laughs.]
Me: Also, there was something about Griffin -- he was, like, MORE than a normal cat.
Class: How?
Me: Like the time I was so stoned, and Nadia held up her hands and said, "Give me five," and I totally thought the cat would do it. Wait..... Okay, like when I was drunk, and would come home from the pub and sit on the porch and talk to the cat.... shit, not that either.........
Me: Um, I can't really explain it. Anyhow, after a while, Griffin decided he didn't want me to be his human anymore, and he left. And that's the story of Griffin. Do you see how my story is different from this other story?

Class: Yes! You gave lots of good details.

Me: You have no idea.....

*

Gas was at $2.95 at the Chevron on the hill last night, $2.99 as I drove home from work today.

I can't be optimistic about this. Whether or not high gas prices will ultimately help to reduce the demand, thus dropping the prices, or will encourage the world to seek alternate forms of energy, thus reducing the need for oil, the real problem is that the high gas prices are fueling the hatred and jingoism among our fellow countrymen.

Exhibit A: A teacher at my school, yesterday in the teacher's lounge.

"What we really need to do is turn Iraq into a parking lot and take all their oil. They shouldn't have a choice any more. We're in there, saving their butts, and they're gonna charge us $50 a barrel? That's bullshit!"

It breaks my heart.

*

Dan: So I was reading your new blog....

Me: Is it too pink?

Dan: No, it looks good.

Me: Okay, thanks.

Dan: But here's the thing. You know the story about the boy and the dog?

Me: Yes?

Dan: Well, I just finished reading Neil Gaiman's Good Omens, which is about the antichrist who's given to a normal family at birth, and is growing up as a normal kid in a normal family....

Me: (suspiciously) ...and?

Dan: And when the antichrist kid is about eleven or twelve, this dog shows up, like a demon dog, and the kid names it Dog.

Me: .....

Dan: So I just wanted to let you know that you might have the antichrist in your homeroom. Me: You know... that would actually explain a lot.....

UPDATE: this morning, Potential Antichrist Kid (PAK) said (and I quote), "Can I write about a satanic dog?"

Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh!

...and speaking of hellhounds...